ds_recsredux | Triple Hankie Challenge: Politics of X; This is the story I tell myself

I know some readers have a great fondness for those stories that wreck them and make them cry. I have never been one of those people. I'm usually in it for the escapism, in one form or another...a world where generally pleasant things eventually happen, even when the road does not run smoothly, and universe bending sex is had by all. I couldn't resist responding to this challenge, because my recs will be stories that are so worthy of being read, that they are the Triple Hankie stories for people who don't like hankie warnings on their fic.

Title: The Politics of X
Author: Zen&nancy (lj not known, website is here .)
Pairing: F/K
Rating: NC17
Length: "139K" or about 22,000 words
Why I'm reccing this fic: This fic is my ultimate, glowing, break glass in case of emergency story. I've only read it three times, ever, because it is that good and that potent for me, but I only rarely have any need or desire to inflict that kind of pain on myself. Maybe a better analogy would be...this is perhaps the durian fruit of F/K fanfic. It's huge, it's rare and of great value, it's very exotic, but you should know what you're getting in return for your large investment before you sink your teeth into it, because it has a very, very strong flavor.

The author warns a little extra for smutiness, which is apt, and in the plus column, in my mind. But the author also warns rather casually for drugs, non-con, and "gobs of angst." Also all true, but understated. This story is great but it has drugs as a central theme, non-con is kind of the entire point, and "gobs of angst" is hardly beginning to state the matter. This is the most painful Due South story I've ever read.

Also note that this is an older fic, and has a bit of an "old school slash" flavor, including some slight Ray K dialect. It's not enough to bug me, but you might notice it.

Briefly, this story is about what happens when Fraser and Ray go undercover in a bar, and Fraser is slipped a dose of Ecstasy by a stranger. Ray must deal with the aftermath, and sees a whole new side to Fraser and their relationship. It is both incredibly poignant and complete train wreck.

Link to the story: The Politics of X

"Ray, Ray, it's fine. Everything's fine. Everything is wonderful, why are you so upset? I feel so good, Ray, so relaxed. Why don't you want me here? I want to be with you, I don't want to be alone, Ray." While he's talking to me, his hand slips off his arm, sliding slowly over the waistband of his jeans. His fingers begin to stroke very lightly over his hard on, with no indication in his expression that he's even aware that he's doing it. Oh Jesus that's a sight... I swallow hard, forcing my eyes back up to his face again.

"Okay, um, let's try this from a different angle. I'm gonna spell it out, and embarrass the fuck out of both of us, okay? 'Cept you're all messed up, so I'm the only one who's gonna be embarrassed, probably."

"Ray, relax. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that you're all sexed up and messed up and half naked on my couch and I gotta do the right thing here and not jump you, okay, Fraser?" I sound pissed off, which makes me feel rotten when I see the hurt and the confusion in his eyes.

"You want to jump me? I might like that, Ray. I don't know, of course, because I've never actually been jumped. Especially by another man, but I've thought about it a great deal."

"Thought about what a great deal?" My voice sounds choked, and I'm trying to remember that nothing he says counts, that he's not in control, not really Fraser, just the tripped out, sexy version of Fraser, that I have absolutely no right to see. But what if he's telling me the truth? What if this really is what he wants, and he's just so goddamn uptight he can't tell me without some help from mind altering chemicals? Yeah, right, Kowalski, and the Cubs are going to go all the way next year and homeless people really like being homeless and Daley took the job to honor the spirit of his Daddy.

Title: This Is The Story I Tell Myself
Author:

spuffyduds
Pairing: F/K
Rating: R
Length: ~3000 words.
Why I'm reccing this fic: I read this story exactly once, without seeing the headers or warnings first, because of the way the lj cut took me to the top of the story. Spuff usually writes tight, funny, emotionally-dead-accurate stuff, but watch out. When she decides to use her powers not-for-the-good, she's scary. My original feedback in the story included me calling her a "mean bitch" which she fortunately read as the adoring compliment it was intended as.

The reason I both love and loathe this story is that Spuffy can make me believe in the fragility of all the things I love the best about Fraser and Ray K together. I was FRIGHTENED by the story in the sense that I was afraid that she would make me stop believing in their love. If you liked

katallison's The End of the Road , you will like this.

I can hardly withstand either, but I think they are both brilliant.

This fic is also available as a podfic , recorded by

luzula

Link to the story: This Is The Story That I Tell Myself

After Muldoon there was—-hubbub and bureaucracy, giving of statements and signing of statements. I was strangely numb, reciting details that ought to have moved me, wrecked me, as dully as though I were placing an order for lunch. ("Yes, that's right, he killed my mother. Yes, he did confess to that. Caroline. C, A, R…" ) Finally, on about the fifteenth reiteration of yes, indeed, he had killed my mother, I turned to Ray, who had been (quietly, for Ray) at my elbow since the mineshaft, and said something that…I'm not entirely sure what I said. It was along the lines of "Yes, he certainly did kill my mother, gather ye rosebuds while ye may, extra mushrooms please, E-X-T-R-A—" And then I think I giggled.